Human - I am...

I awoke in the middle of the night to find a warm body by my side. In the quiet stillness, thoughts of the previous night flooded my mind. Tingling my nerves and titillating my senses, I realised that this was the evil with which I have lain so many times before and I continue to lie, unable to leave that which has always been a part of me. I look at this monster, this person, this desire, this craving... And I sigh. This is my existence. This has been my existence for quite a long while now.

The pattern of my thoughts shift toward the future, playing that age-old game of "Guess what's gonna happen tomorrow?" and the thought of what I would be doing after the break of dawn fills me with the deepest loathing for myself. For when the world sees the sun of tomorrow, I would wake with the world to embrace all that is good and all that the Lord suppliess to his human pets. Seemingly renouncing the evil that I myself chose to lie with, I would then go on to conquer my very lover-in-the-night as the worst enemy by day. This would satisfy my dreadful conscience and give my poor soul some rest. Till the world lies down to rest again...

When the world lies down to rest, then would I lie down to die to everything that I believe to be true. Everything that is functional and integral to the very existence of my soul and being. This is how I live. This is how I am human...

Comments

Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

Taking Too Long

Image
When I was in 8th standard, my Math teacher (Joan Miss, pictured above) was starting us off on some Geometry. I clearly remember her drawing a triangle, properly, by taking sufficient time (could've been ten minutes?) but it seemed like an eternity for me. I just felt that even though she was trying to achieve perfection (ninety degree right angle, etc), she was probably taking way too long. I was reminded of this incident when our correspondent was addressing us today. That Math teacher is now my boss, in my job as Digital Coordinator for the school. When I joined work here, I had some experience in the corporate world - both in a modern, outsourced ITES joint, and in an old "sign-in in the register at the lobby everyday morning" staunchly Indian joint. Yet, I felt like a fish out of water. A world without written processes, without written procedures - was something my innate work experience of the previous decade just fought with. I still remember a staff meet
Read more

aJCfreak

aJCfreak. It's a simplified version of "A Jesus Freak". I flicked the concept from the dc Talk. There was a phase back in college, when I used to mutilate furniture (cots, desks, tables, chairs) with the phrase A Jesus Freak woz 'ere... and thats when I decided to go in for an email ID that reflected this too. It was the middle of 2005, I guess (May-June) and I'd jus gotten an invite to Gmail... so I got it - ajcfreak at gmail dot com. Since then, it's been a long time in catching on, but it's finally caught on - atleast in ma head. So that's what I am - aJCfreak. Atleast, I try to be at most times. More often than not, I fail... But mostly, I stand on His grace. FYI, here's a list of some places where I've signed up with this particular alias: 1. Wikipedia (English) plus my IDs on many of the sister projects of Wikipedia 2. Online Photo album 3. Blogger - this blog that you're reading right now! 4. YouTube! 5. Online storage space on e-S
Read more

Fake Call to extract Card information

Image
UPDATE: A request to all who see this post: if you have Truecaller on your mobile, please store this number - 8409181059 - as FRAUD STEALING CARD INFORMATION . If enough of us store the number this way, Truecaller will pop this up when he calls other unsuspecting victims. _____________________________________ Putting this out there, so people with similar experiences can know - and people who haven't had this experience can be prepared for this - if and when it happens. My basic advice for such prank calling: - Keep them online as much as possible - Do not divulge any personal / identifiable details - Lodge a complaint with the police immediately after hanging up on the call (TN police website has an eazy-peazy complaint registration system) So, this is the first time I've received a hoax call. Here's how it went: 8409181059: "Hello, calling from State Bank; your card is no longer functional" Me (who doesn't have a State Bank account): "O
Read more

Crazy Coonoor

Yeah, Coonoor is a crazy lil place for me. It's where some of my bestest friends from college, CSI CE , spent most of their weekend time while at college. It's where I've gotten to know some really cool people at Union Church. It's also where I've spent the least time, while I studied in Nilgiris. Putting all that aside, this past weekend was spent in UC, Coonoor, and it was a splendid time. It was refreshing physically, it was invigorating spirit-wise, enriching spiritually, enlightening knowledge-wise and brilliantly endearing. Yeah - a lot of adjectives. I just felt the need to jot down a few thoughts about the whole affair and where each of the Dudes4Christ dudes are in their lives right now. Smitha , my wife, darling and the love of my life, thoroughly enjoyed the time there. She was pretty much at home, mostly :) The dudes all seemed more mature than our college days, albeit they maintained their characteristic streaks that made them stand out during college.
Read more

I Hate Goodbyes

I'm totally and completely bummed. And for reasons that I never ever dreamed could make me feel this way. I have been following this tech blog called Engadget for almost 3 years now, quite avidly. I devour every post with a feverish desire for more. A year or so after I started reading Engadget, I started noticing the names of the authors. Some styles stood out, and you could easily make out who wrote those articles. The first name that really stood out for me, was Joshua Topolsky . This dude is amazing. He comes up with the best quips, puns and writes articles in a lavish way that makes you wonder - is he an actually existing human being? He also lead the team at Engadget for the past four years or so, as their Editor-in-Chief. He announced in a post a few days ago that he's leaving Engadget on 31st March, in a sorrow-evoking post titled Hello, I Must Be Going . That wasn't how the barrage of bad news out of Engadget started, though. It all started with one of my fav-
Read more

Quitting HP, moving on

Image
Me, during my years in Bangalore (from L to R): August 2007, May 2009, August 2011 When, like me, one works in a large MNC for 5 years and 9 months, and then decides to move on, the onlookers raise questions. The first question, "Where did you get a job?", is also the most unnecessary question. I haven't got a job elsewhere. And I'm not looking. The second question, "What about money? Survival?" has a pretty unconventional answer ("unconventional" by the standards of this fast-paced, rat-raced world). It is an answer that some have scoffed at, others have considered as part of "Dan's craziness" while still others have been left stunned at hearing it. Nevertheless, the answer is simple: "God will provide." Let me try to explain things a bit more clearly. On 22nd January 2012, during the regular Sunday worship service at my church, Adonai , the Australian worship band, Shalom, was ministering to us when God spoke to me.
Read more

Adiós, publicidad!

Image
I'm leaving the world of advertising. It couldn't be simpler than that. But if you ask me where I'm going to next, the answer's slightly more complicated - I'm taking up two part-time roles, at my church (Ashraya) and at my old school (Anita Methodist). Doing a variety of things. This decision has taken a few months to make, and I'm super-grateful to the support of close friends and family. My wife has been supportive about the move in ways I couldn't have even dreamed of, with an inner strength and childlike faith in God's 'leading' like only she can possess. My thoughts have kept going back to my quitting HP, and how God orchestrated that . I've agonised over what I would be writing here, but decided to restrict it to the things I'd like to remember as the highlights of this move are (in no specific order): I've learnt and grown much, in my four years in advertising My whole concept of working/functioning in an office
Read more